Peer Pressure

Among my many neurotic behaviors, I get really annoyed when people use the restroom and don’t wash their hands. The thought of grabbing the door handle after the last guy who shook himself off and didn’t wash up, really turns me off. I start thinking how brainless the people are who design restrooms with doors that swing inward requiring a handle. At least if the door pushes outward, you can use your elbow or push on a part of the door that most people would not place their hand.

You’ve no doubt seen piles of paper next to the exit door where people carry out their paper towel to use to grab the door handle, or just to push the door with. Thoughtful proprietors provide a trash can right there for us neurotic people to toss the paper in after we've opened the door.

Granted, you can’t expect every establishment to be able to accommodate a door that opens out, or some arrangement where you don’t need a door at all (the ideal solution by the way), so what is the solution?

Being a techno nerd geek sort of guy, I of course came up with one. It’s very simple, you just leverage peer pressure. Peer pressure is an extremely powerful motivator. No one wants the whole bar to know that they didn’t wash their hands after using the restroom, right?

So, all you have to do is install some kind of system, maybe a series of sensors – proximity sensors, IR sensors, pressure sensors in the floor, whatever – that determine if you went to the sink and washed your hands before leaving. If you don’t, a strobe goes off above the door along with a “woop” sound or something else appropriate for the venue and the guy slinks back to his seat. After that no woman will go near him.

To protect your business from lawsuits brought by Neanderthals, you put a sign in the bathroom warning people that this establishment requires you to wash your hands before leaving, as a courtesy to other patrons – or else.

I’m telling you, the kind of people who insist on not washing their hands either will change their behavior or not return to your establishment. The place will get a reputation for caring about courtesy and cleanliness, word will spread, other places fill follow suit, the death toll from influenza will pummet.

I don’t think anyone has invented the technology to make this work yet, but it is certainly an interesting challenge, don’t you think?

Stupid Uniden Phone

How come my phone still has the IQ of a tree stump? All it has are the same basic functions that a phone had 20 years ago, but with a built in answering machine that is digital rather than the magnetic tape variety of old. Yes it is wireless so you can carry it around, but that doesn’t make it any smarter, just a little more convenient. Yes it has an intercom function, but that’s not exactly rocket science either, and by the way, we had intercoms 20 years ago too.

I’ve said this before, but here it is again. I want a phone that I can program to not ring during certain parts of the day without my having to mess with it. Is that too much to ask? I just want the damn built in answering system to operate like an automated message system – i.e. I want it to intercept all the calls between, lets say 11 pm and 7 am and politely tell the caller that I’m not available during such and such hours because I’M SLEEPING and please leave a message. I also want the option of offering the caller the power to ring through anyway, if it is an emergency, like if my wife or daughter are in trouble or something.

Since each extension is also coded, I see no reason why my automated message system couldn’t be programmed to ask the caller which extension (person) they want to talk to and just ring that extension if that’s how I want to set it up. This is all totally possible and would cost nothing since the microprocessor and digital memory are already there and the space required to save a couple messages like that would be minimal. So why hasn’t it happened yet? Am I the only person who has ever wanted this kind of functionality? I doubt it.

My current Uniden wireless phone has a base unit with a built-in answering system and three additional extensions and sells for about $100 at places like Costco. It has an intercom feature that is useful if you have a big house, and caller ID so you can answer each call in a different tone of voice depending on whether you like the person or not.

What are the engineers and marketing geniuses at Uniden waiting for? Huh? Will someone please pass this request along to the right genius?

Thank you, I’m going to bed now. Please don’t call me until tomorrow after 7.

Google Takes Next Step Toward World Dominance

Today I read about Google’s collaboration with Sun with some foggy details about their intention to put out a free version of Office that would reside on the internet, not on your PC. Sounds like a good idea to me if you have a big enough internet pipe going into your house or business.

I applaud Google’s efforts to drive Microsoft crazy any chance they get. I love it, in fact. Microsoft has abused their market dominance for way way too long. It is high time that they got a wake up call.

The concept of remote software has always held some fascination for me actually. I like the idea of the software owner keeping my code up to date automatically and fixing any flaws that might occur because of my own stupidity or because of some asshole virus hacker (There should be a special place in hell for these people).

Truth is, I had that same idea over a year ago, in the very first issue of this blog. My concept was for a revolutionary computer that never suffers from virus problems and never needs a software fix by the user. Imagine a simple computer that automatically logs into the Google mother ship during the night and gets a diagnostic fix for ALL the software on the hard disk. The only thing that would presumably never need fixing is the small kernel of ROM code that directs the diagnostic procedure. Any problem detected would prompt a rewrite of the operating system or the word processor, or whatever software you subscribed to.

This kind of basic computer may not be suitable for everyone, but for the vast majority of home users it would be a dream come true. Every morning you have a perfect system that runs fast, no spyware, no crippling incompatibilities, all your documents backed up in a secure place online.

If Google could ever pull this off, I would be at the front of the line to sign up.

Comments

I'm herewith limiting comments to registered users. Hope that stops all the spam comments I have been receiving over the last week. If not, then I may have resort to something more odious.

My apologies to the few legit commentors.....

Solving Problems We Don't Have

In spite of my attraction to technology and deep seated love of tools and gadgets, I occasionally come across a new item that brings forth the sarcastic alter-ego that I try to suppress.

Apparently there are quite a few people working on boosting the IQ of dumb objects around the house – i.e. making them smarter. One is a light bulb that notifies you when it has burned out by sending an SMS message to your network which then either pops up an annoying message on your computer or calls your cellphone, even more annoying. Another is an idea for a refrigerator that keeps track of what you have in there and reminds you to throw away outdated stuff or to go to the store an restock. Maybe it even re-orders stuff by itself.

Think about it, what will happen to our brains if we no longer have to remember anything? We already have pretty much lost the ability to do multiplication and division. What’s next?

Let’s fast forward 50 years into the future where people don’t make grocery lists anymore, and they don’t have to remember to pay their bills, they don’t have to remember phone numbers and they don’t even have to know their SSN or their anniversary. Everything will be accessible via our personal communicator – no thinking required. We won’t have reference books anymore; pretty much all knowledge will be catalogued and indexed and accessible through some electronic device every where we go 24/7.

50 years ago a person with a great deal of accumulated knowledge was once highly valued. Now, in the year 2055, that knowledge can be fetched by just writing or speaking a query. All that cerebral power that was once constantly expanding will quickly atrophy and the number of ganglia and synapses will wither away, or, in the case of young people, never form in the first place. Administrative personnel will only have to master data entry and retrieval.

I remember Sci-Fi movies where life forms from advanced civilizations were depicted as having huge heads in proportion to their spindly bodies. Now I’m beginning to wonder if the reverse will be true. 50 years from now medical science will keep our bodies very healthy and septuagenarians will no longer be an anomaly. Maybe we will all have great bodies but no brainpower to speak of. The alien with the tiny head played by Tony Shalhoub in Men In Black comes to mind.

I can see it now, I’m cruising down the road in my hovercar and my cellphone beeps. I look over at my data screen, punch a button to retrieve the message and discover to my horror that the third light bulb from the end on my side yard has burned out. Damn! That smart bulb cost me $12. I glance up just in time to see that the guy in front of me has slammed on his brakes and I’m heading right for him! 2.3 seconds later I come to a stop half way up the back of his hovercar and my front fan is chewing up his new AstroBrat something fierce. I’m thinking, “at least I know that I need to stop and get a smart bulb on the way home.”

Search: “human devolution” + “brain size” + causes