True Story from the Future

Subject: diagnostic computer down at Wal-Mart

One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Joe says to Mike, "My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I'd better see a doctor.

"Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies. "There's a diagnostic computer down at Wal-Mart. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars. It's a lot cheaper than a doctor."

Although skeptical, Joe deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Wal-Mart. He deposits ten dollars, and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits. Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout:

"You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks." Thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart.

That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Joe began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and a sperm sample for good measure. Joe hurries back to Wal-Mart, eager to check the results.

He deposits ten dollars, pours in his concoction and awaits the results. The computer prints the following:

1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. (Aisle 9)
2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. (Aisle 7)
3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
4. Your wife is pregnant with twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
5 If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better.

Thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart.

The above is obviously a joke that someone sent me. I don't know where it came from, but it struck me as something that is going to happen before long. No question that a variety of self-diagnostic kiosks in drug stores will be commonplace before long - more elaborate than the blood pressure booths you see now. There is already talk of a home DNA kit - believe it.

With the rising cost of healthcare, home care is the next hot thing.