Assumptions

A couple of weeks ago a friend suggested I read a book by don Miguel Ruiz called “The Four Agreements.” It is a simple book with a powerful message. Briefly, the four principles that he presents are the following. I’ve re-worded them slightly for my own use.

1. Be Honest in Everything You Do - Your character is your most valuable possesion and integrity is its foundation. Protect it as you would your life. Your words can have powerful impact. Avoid speaking against yourself or others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.

2. Don't Take Things Personally - What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. Believe in yourself. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering.

3. Don't Make Assumptions - Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. Don’t judge people before you know them.

4. Always Do Your Best - Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. As the years pass by new skills will emerge and other skills will fade. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.

These simple ideas can change your life if you have the will to follow them. Today I discovered a small example of agreement number 3.

During my morning walk as I was heading back toward home, I noticed a trash truck idling on the other side of the street up ahead with no one in it. I continued walking and still didn’t see the driver, but as I got closer I noticed him on my side of the street in a driveway. He was talking to an old lady standing there holding onto a walker. They were smiling like they knew each other and chatting away. As I passed, he looked at me and I smiled and nodded to them, and the man returned a friendly wave and a nod. The woman was busy talking and didn’t pay attention to me but she seemed like a nice lady.

The reason I mention this is the house. On several occasions I have called it the ugliest house in the neighborhood. It is on a corner lot and is very foreboding looking, old and dark with a turrett on the front giving it an almost gothic feel. There was a small guest house in the back and an unusual garage.It was a little over one car width wide but very tall, the rollup door must have been 12 feet high. I speculated that it was built for a boat but there was no evidence of other nautical things around, very unusual. The whole property was creepy and somehow malevolent looking because the walls were dark red brick, almost brown, and the roof was dark spanish tile and if I was 7 years old and someone told me that a monster lived in the garage in the back, I would have believed him. The entire front and side yard is dark green ivy; no flowers, no toys sitting around, no newspapers on the walk, no sign that any humans lived there. I imagined some mean old reclusive man watching from behind the curtains.

So today as I walked past this nice old lady standing there supporting herself with a walker talking to the trash man, my concept of this house totally changed. My assumption was totally wrong. In 10 seconds I formed a totally new concept of a nice little old lady living there alone, unable to do much except check the mail and chat with the trash man.

I think I may knock on her door someday and ask her if she needs any help around the house. Who knows, she may invite me in for tea; the inside may be totally different than the outside. Like most people.